No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
