I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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