Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
