five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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