she was so not down for the gang bang
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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