Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How's work?
Spinning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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