All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
