Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
