and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
