Your tits are I can't wait for
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
