I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
