I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
