sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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