Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
