literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
