and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
