You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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