i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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