Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
