Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
