I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
