if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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