There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
