So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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