it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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