I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
