You don't have asthma, your pregnant
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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