there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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