i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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