the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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