I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
