I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
