we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
