I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
