True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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