Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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