I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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