I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
