Do you still have your period?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
