I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
