Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
