i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
