just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
