Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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