So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
