Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
