Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Found your dick twin last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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