We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize