Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
