pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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