I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
