Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
