i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
