wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
