and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
