So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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