I wish my penis had an off switch
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
