If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
