can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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