My nipple is on Facebook.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
