Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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