I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
