I wannas sexs uuuuu
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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