No stitches, just platelets and will power
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize