hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
