the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
