his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
