just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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