So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
