Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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