She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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