It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
