This is not my ceiling
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
