He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
