I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
