your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
